melina

Fred Armisen performing “Police on my Back” at Other Music on Dec. 11, 2011.

I saw this live and it was awesome. To hear it again, thank you, yes, please.

Last night was very, very nice. UCB East had a lovely open mic crowd and I felt a good amount of happy energy from them. I decided to do a piece that we could all relate to. As unprofessional as it would seem because I was holding the script, I just didn’t want to miss certain points by giving my brain the opportunity to possibly meander. I was happy with the writing and wanted to keep it that way.

This is a comedy school graduation speech (short version) I performed last night at UCB East’s open mic. Here’s the full text of the mundane job monologue (which really happened):

When you’re stuck at a mundane job, the kind where you have to ask permission to use the bathroom so someone can take over your desk because you’re the first face of the office but they wait an hour to show up despite your pleas and then you end up with a urinary tract infection but they won’t let you take time off to see a doctor so you can get some Cipro to fix it so you go a whole week with bloody urine and it feels like someone is knifing your urethra when you pee but then you finally go to the doctor and get the antibiotic and by then, you can’t even stand up straight because the infection spread to your kidneys and the antibiotic offers relief quickly but it’s so strong you end up with a yeast infection so the next week, you’re all uncomfortable and self-conscious at your job with a terrible itch and forget about intimacy for at least another week.

Don’t be discouraged by that. You won’t have that job forever.